INTRO!!!!!!weee!!!
What makes airplanes so interesting? Why does mankind want to fly? These questions and more are asked by many people. Ever since the Wright Brothers flew the first airplane across the United States in 1903, airplane engineer have been trying to dicover reaching the height of space. Flying is a fetish for people; physically to conquer. I've took this fancination with the sky and universe and put this into my perspective.The change in technology over the past years has better increased the chances for people to reach the height of space.
*Lindsay and katie I took your advice!!! except i wrote in down instead.*
posted by DonnaRules @ 11:50 AM
5 Comments:
Hi Donna! I like your topic. your first sentence grade is a B. It would of better interests me (caught my eye) if you would of told who thought of this before asking questions. What's so interesting about planes.The thesis of the paper is why society like planes or the use of them. The main points is to tell how interesting planes are.
Hey!
I agree with Lindz, your first sentence is a B. I like how it starts with a question, but is there some way you could make it more interesting? Instead of saying, "What makes airplanes so interesting?", ask something like "What is it about the sky that makes people want to fly in it?" or "What makes flying so special? After all, birds do it everyday!" or something along those lines.
I'm not to sure were you're going with the paper/ the topic of your paper. I suggest at least one more paragraph to explain what exactly you are writing about. Also, is your thesis about how "Flying is a fetish for people; physically to conquer?" At the moment there is not three main points that I see. That's okay. In one more paragraph you should be able to cover all that.
In my opinion you have a super nice blog here.
I've already bookmarked you. I have a french kissing site/blog. Mostly contains french kissing related topics.
You're welcome to check it out if you want. I have a blog that you may also like... My friend would really like this blog so I think I'll tell him. (is that okay?)
Have a great day ~
Hello well i agree with everyone else and i think that your first sentence is a b because it didn't grab my attention as much as i would've liked it to
I would suggetst saying why you decided to write about planes and maybe how many times you've flown
Topic of this paper is to describe why people like to fly so much but i'd write more to make it less confusing.
Thesis of this paper is the same as above
The main points are to tell how intersting planes are.
1. hey donna neima here.omg, i nvr new u new so many big words! surprise surprise! i giv ur first sentence a b for plane, because its just dull, but the rest of the intro is a+ college material.
2.i would suggest you make it less intelligent and make it more teenaging!Lol!
3.topic of this paper is airplanes
4.thesis is the fasination of flying
5.main points is airplanes ever more popular now, wright bros, and flying is a fetish.
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